It is at the ripe ol' age my friend Special kindly pointed out to me that I am now too old to audition for "So you think you can dance?" I kindly pointed out if she noticed I'm white and dance like one. I know . . . I know . . . How did I ever strip? You can read about it in my up coming book.
Moving on, Half Pint was in Peru over my birthday and to sooth my woes I decided to treat myself to 10 inches of rubber love. I was going toy shopping. Now I announced this at work (yup that's right the psych unit) to which one of my new co-workers gladly volunteered to go with me. I quickly learned that if you want to bond with a new co worker to hell with going for a beer after work, go shopping for dildos.
Off to the local adult store we went. Aisles were full of novelty items from butt plugs that would make an elephant cringe to an item I've nicknamed," I'm supposed to put this where?!?" and a few things for normal people in between. When selecting a dildo or phallic vibrator it is important to take into consideration the "squish" factor. Get one too hard and you can hurt yourself, especially if you like to fuck aggressively like I do. There is a certain technique to determining the softness of a dildo through the packaging so I ran around the store fondling all of the dongs.
I found one I liked, soft but not too soft with a vibrator attached at the base for clitoral stimulation. However, I looked at the price tag of $65 and just about fell over. I could get a gigolo for that price, mind you without the reusable part. Instead I settled on a nice 6.5" blue dildo because Half Pint told me he was bigger than 6 inches. $20 later I was on my way home to play with my new toy.
I pop in some distinct porn. I don't go as far as lighting a candle, but I do engage in a little nipple tweaking foreplay action. I'm ready. I wrap up the dildo and well . . .
It was like fucking a wet noodle. Who would have thought a fake dick could go limp on you?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment