Flinched

Boat boy flinched first, so I win. My prize is a hot date on the couch with my cat and then heading out to the bar where I had a forty year old Chapell looking dude hitting on me. At least he had all of his teeth. Then in a moment of weakness I text messaged Southern boy and finally pulled the plug by playing the daughter card.

Boat boy flinched by fleeing to another state and the way I found out was by drunk dialing him. Should I be upset? I'm not really sure. I told him that if I felt like I had the right to know where he was every waking minute I would have had a GPS chip installed. However, he felt guilty over not telling me because he was planning this and he wasn't sure if he was going and he didn't know how to tell me. I get it even if I can't articulate here. I mean he told me about Colorado, his other trip to PA, and how he's heading off to Ireland in a few weeks.

I felt the distance growing early in the week around Tuesday, but I couldn't figure it out. Now it seems to make sense if this is indeed what it is. Our boundaries got blurred by him boning me. More than friends, but not quite lovers is a difficult balance and I will take my ownership of tipping the scale.

Twiggy Fuck hasn't figured out yet that I don't want to be with him anymore. He doesn't understand my need to be alone and do my own thing right now independent of him.Boat Boy listened to me ramble on about how this asshole was stalking me by going to my mom's house, Sorority Sister's house and my house, and then starting asking questions. Then the flowers. 2 deliveries in one day. The first dozen roses went to my landlord. The second, in the end after spending a day and a half in the box wound up in my kitchen. I figured fuck it. It's most likely going to be a very long time before I get flowers again so I might as well enjoy these.

Another element that most likely came into play was my sexual past. He asked about my strap on. When I explained that I used to do girl on girl shows for bachelor parties I think he was taken aback. Earlier on he'd said to me he was pleased that I experienced my sexuality without disrespecting myself. In hindsight, I wished I clarified the situation. Yes, I have explored my sexuality in depths that the average person has not, but it has come at a price. There was a moment when no I was not so respectful of myself and now I'm paying the price.

Lastly, it could be all him mind fucking himself. He could just have played my classic pull back move. I tend to back way off when I start to get to something that just might be emotionally real.

Friday morning he came over for breakfast and sex. Shortly after the sex he was out the door. I was split between wanting him to stay and grateful for a day to do what I needed to do. I decided to plant my fall bulbs and can't wait for the colorful spring with tulips and irises.