Dropping like flies.....

It's strange how life has her own karmic way of doing things. She prefers to strap me over a barrel and beat the ever living snot out of me, sometimes literally.

Shortly after Thanksgiving, Pimpett lost her father to end stage renal failure. Yesterday morning Hubby lost his mother. She'd been diagnosed with stage three lung cancer shortly before Christmas. Then last Sunday she had a stroke. They had to discontinue the chemo and radiation therapy because she was too weak to start rehab. They couldn't start rehab because she was too weak from the chemo and radiation.

New Year's day I learn that my brother's group home is discontinuing care for all high maintenance clients because it is no longer cost effective to care for them. In other words, we (as in my mother and I) need to start to find a new place for him to live. At one point my mother was thinking about having him move back home with her. I repressed my desire to have a shit fit on her and diplomatically told her I didn't think it was a good idea. TJ has developed such a sense of autonomy living on his own and I was concerned he'd regress. Also, TJ's care has become more involved in the past ten years since he's left home. I'd be terrified of either her or my aunt getting hurt. Of course, I support her in her decision not to tell my sister or father. My reasoning is probably wrong though. My attitude is fuck them. They aren't involved anyway, and they'd most likely just run interference.

SD sent me a text within 24 hours of learning about Hubby's mother's demise to tell me that his grandmother had a stroke and was not expected to make it to the end of the week. I know him, and in the moment if he decides he wants me to be there for him, I will go.

Oh, my sister. I'll see her bitch and raise her a cunt. I get an email from her asking me to stop by and pick up my Christmas presents. Also, she wanted me to know how they'd missed me over the holidays? Really? Are you fucking shitting me? Precious, you are so full of shit! You missed me so much that you forgot to call? Fuck off! Really! When I called her out on this fact she promptly reminded me that I was invited over the day after Christmas, and how TJ and Dad were disappointed I didn't show. I reminded her that I said I might come because I would be tired from working a lot of overtime that week. Thanks for the phone call to make sure I wasn't in a car accident on my way to her house that day. So, with that in mind, I asked her what it was like to be right all the time. Does it bring her closer to God?

Round two with my sister began with an email stating "Peace. I did not mean to torment you during this difficult time for you." Really, then what was your intention? "I'm not going to fight with you" I emailed back, "Of course you're not going to fight with me. That would be unchristian. Instead, you'll resort to more traditional tactics including avoidance."

What else? Oh, yeah. My childhood riding instructor who refuses to acknowledge me because I never took my horseback riding anywhere lost her husband this week. It breaks my heart that here is a woman who, every time I see a horse I think of her. She is the toughest, crustiest ol' New Englander you will ever meet simply because she does not want to be known any other way.

Rip roaring sinus infection. Actually got yelled at by the Dr. I was having double vision at work and he felt I should have gone to the emergency room. Hahahahahahaha. I didn't tell him I worked for the same place he did on third shift. As one friend put it so well, "When was the last time he went to the ED? You would have waited 3 days and sent home with Tylenol." Missed a week of work. All I could do was sleep. Walking across the living room left me wiped out for two hours. So, I did laundry with naps in between loads only to learn my dryer is on the fritz.

Haven't heard boo from my girlfriends since before the holidays. Didn't realize I was that much of a jackass. Called one of them today. Said she'd call me back in 10 minutes. Here's the good news. After ten minutes were up my suspensions were right. She wasn't calling back. So much for closeness.

And that's just it. I feel like I'm in hell. I feel so alone, and yet somehow I keep it all together and do not become overly clingly with the current guy. Why not? Well, that's another blog for another day. For now, I'm taking comfort in the harmony of Johnny Cash's American IV: The man's come around.