Lost in Translation....

A therapeutic response is a key instrument used in my line of work, when patients are awake of course. Which is why I work third. Last week though, I had the "pleasure" of covering 2nd shift and therefore had to interact with the patients on a level deeper than what I'm used to on third. I went from answering the simple "Can I have a cup of water?" to pretending like I care. I wonder if it's like me trying to fake an orgasm, something I'm not very good at either. Anyway, here are some of the things I usually say in response to the patients....

When they apologize for making a mistake....
"I'm sorry for......"
I say, "It's ok that you made a mistake."
What I mean is, "Like I give a shit"

When they tell me about something sad.....
"I hate it when......"
I say, "I'm really sorry you're in such a rough place right now"
What I mean is, "Sucks to be you"

When they tell me about wanting to hurt themselves.....
" I want to stick my finger in a light socket..."
I say, " I don't think that's a very good idea."
What I mean is," That's a piss poor way to try and kill yourself."

It sucks that in three years time I've become this callous to a person's conscious. I am angry with myself because there was a time and a place when I didn't think like this. Don't get me wrong. I shed my Christ complex that every young psych student has long before I earned my cap and gown. I think hanging off a pole taught me I couldn't fix the world. It was already way too fucked, but if I could offer comfort to another soul for just a second I could live with myself. I have lost my compassion for humankind and that has left me bitter and jaded when it comes to how we treat others. I am no better than anyone else. The expression, "If you can't beat them, join them" has me under it's ugly heel.

However, I am naive enough to cling to hope that I won't always feel this way.....

Stupid hope.....