Lost and alone

There are moments in everyone's life when a professional head check is necessary and well thank God I had mine today.
I know I can't look to the past for answers but at the same time part of me is so grateful Southern Boy has returned to haunt me. If at the very least, I got the one thing I most desperately needed in my relationship with Twiggy Fuck. A cold harsh reality check into exactly what the relationship is and isn't.
I was dumb enough to think I could find true love while hanging off a pole and now I know the only thing hanging is that fact over my head that Twiggy Fuck and I met in a strip club.
SD has been helpful to a point and the waters got murky between us yesterday as I allowed him to watch me fold my laundry naked via my web cam but wouldn't allow him to come over and fuck me. In this morning's apology email, I owned up to my end of it and he affirmed what was going on subconsciously.
I am a sexual being with a prowess that comes with being a red head. It is a weapon and a gift I have, and one which is not honored or valued by Twiggy Fuck. As my secret snot rocket blowing friend (SSR) says"What's the point of having a big cock if you're not going to use it?"
So in the end the only clarity I am walking away with is the expression tattooed on my ankle "Don't put all your eggs in one bastard"
This hurts like hell, and hopefully I can figure something out before my sanity starts to pay the price. But right now this very moment I am just letting go of what I have no control over and learning to accept things for what they really are and not what I want them to be.