My ex boyfriend was an amazing boyfriend. I could be bias though because I did love him. However, things didn't work out (and that's okay), but one day post break up he asks me point blank if he has a small dick. I agreed to tell him only if he'd tell me why he wanted to know. He agreed but I had to go first. I told him that yes he did indeed have a small dick.
Now keep in mind I have had a lot of partners and as a former stripper I've sat on even more dicks. I think I've done enough random sampling to determine what an average size is. My ex truly proved that it was not the size of the boat, it was the motion in the ocean. It was the only dick (and still is) that worked for me. I told him that it was so small my nick name for him was Shrimp Dick.
Well, I'm sorry. I take it back. Karma has bit me in the ass yet again. My ex always gave A+ effort with foreplay and stamina. Well, Monday night I jump into bed with Flavor Saver. It was so small it barely came over the top of my hand. (My hand is two and a half maybe three inches wide.) I almost ran out the door simply because I couldn't do it. It was that small.
Plus too he was weird. He did this funky pull my hair and pin my head on the ground thing and most importantly it didn't feel that good. After a little sucky sucky on my part, I laid him down on the bed and got on top. I figured I could make it count for something at least. It only lasted a little more than 5 minutes, and part of me is relieved. If I was to pick a sex scene from a movie that this most resembled, it would be along the lines of when the lead character has sex with her boyfriend in Secretary. Yikes!
Post coital, he says, " I take pleasure in the small things." I had to choke back my laugh.
So for the record: Honey, I am very, very, very sorry I made fun of your dick size. I was wrong. It really wasn't that small.
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