That's what I get for trying

I think I can officially say I hate my life. The asshole neighbors downstairs just banged, and I have no idea why. Perhaps there's just nothing better to do in their small little lives than make a lot of noise so they get noticed.

I finished Chemistry with a B+, and I should be happy about this, but I'm disappointed. I feel like I put in A effort and this is always how it seems to go in my life. High effort, mediocre results. I feel like I have no talents nor do I excel in anything I try. I'm just kinda alright. I'm a mediocre horseback rider. I'm not that great of a student even though I bust my ass, I'm too temperamental to be a good girlfriend. I'm not even that good of an alcoholic. I never had a "drink", and was already lit by the end of my first beer.
I wasn't a great stripper, just okay. I wasn't that hot, but good looking enough to pass. My only unique feature is being a natural red head, but that's no prize because of the stigma that follows it. I'm tired of being plain. Boring. Just okay. I want to be great.
I don't believe in perfection, but I do believe in excellence. Where's mine?
Someone once said to me if you keep throwing shit up against a wall, eventually some of it's going to stick. I always think of cleaning out a horse's stall whenever I remember this expression. At it's true, because I've mucked enough stalls. Unless of course you pick up a nice big fat juicy turd, but then who wants to go through all that mess? Is that what A effort is? Do my standards lack?
All of these wonderful thoughts ran through my head today while taking care of the poor shlepps at work.
I took my breaks to cry, take klonopin, and regain composure, and smoke cigarettes. I sent my boyfriend a text that I was in a foul mood. When I called I got his voice mail. Then I called back a little later. He answered and he was out with the boys. Normally I wouldn't mind, but tonight I just needed to hear him say to me everything's going to be okay.