The upside of Italy

So I know I've spent a lot of time bitching about the company while in Italy, but not about Italy itself. I think it's time to focus in on the positive aspects of the trip and start letting go of the negative aka Twiggy Fuck.

My first bit of travel advice for those on a first time overseas flight is not to wear thong panties. You'll wind up with a wedgie of international proportions.
Rome was a lot like New York but with about 3,000 years more worth of dirt. There's a reason they call them ruins. It's because it's nothing but a pile of rubble and rocks. If you want to see something cool might I suggest The Gungywamp Society. Also, driving in Rome is like watching the Indianapolis 500 being run with match box cars. I was seriously watching for a driver to pull his car backwards to get it going. Another cool site in Rome were the biker bars. Outside, lined up on the sidewalks were nothing but big bad tough Vespas.

Assi and Padua were special in that I have an affinity for St. Francis and my grandfather had a special devotion to St. Anthony. It was beautiful to see both Basilicas and stop and pray for a minute. I also got to go to mass on the Feast of the Assumption and the next day while visiting an apparition site. I know, I know.... transformed stripper into ubber Christian, but not really. I'm fairly quiet about my personal beliefs. Just know that there was something beyond me preventing me from choking the ever living shit out of Twiggy fuck.

A little about the Italian diet. For every pound of cheese consumed you get an ounce of fiber. Now think if the female archtype Italian grandmother: chubby, short and wearing black. She's really not that fat, she just hasn't moved her bowels in about 50 years.

Florence was a fly by of sights I don't really remember seeing. Pisa with it's tower: well, One wonder of the world down, 6 to go. And I will refrain from all the dick jokes that can be made about the tower, because well.... I think they've all been made before.

Venice was nice, and probably my best day in Italy. Twiggy Fuck and I actually did a good job at getting along and navigating the city. Come to find out Peggy Guggenheim spent her last years in Venice and left behind her personal collection. I got to see Pollack, Picaso, and many other great artists of the time. I also got to see an exhibit called Gluts. Amazing sculputure where the artist exposes American with a caustic humor. Loved it! While Twiggy Fuck appreciates the classics such as Michangelo and Devinci, he did not have a liking for modern art. I proceeded to educate him on the importance of the progression of art and what value modern art has. I think I actually was heard and he seemed to develop some depth and appreciation. He discovered Max Ernst. Also there was the glass museum with some amazing avant garde pieces.

There was also a great little restaurant in Venice, family owned and operated since 1962. I ordered clams and spagetti and Twiggy Fuck ordered the fish fry. After he ate half of my dish, ranting and raving the entire time he mooched off me, I looked him square in the eye and said, "Only an idiot would walk into an Italy restaurant and order the fish fry, and an Italian American idiot at that." Twiggy Fuck "Are you calling me an idiot?" "No, dear, just implying it."

Our trip ended in Milan. I got to see probably one of the most amazing Gothic churches ever built from the roof at least. I was not allowed inside the church because I had bear knees. This pissed me off because three people in front of me there was this fat sausage legs of a girl stuffed into a pair of jean cut offs shorter than mine and allowed admission. I was wearing a pair of khaki golf shorts. WTF??? Maybe I just looked a little too butch that day. Also, they will tell you Milan is known for it's fashion and it's opera. They should also tell you it is known for it's graffiti, and every two blocks something is tagged.