What's worse than a boarder line? A male boarder line. If you know anything about this axis II diagnosis, you know that it is predominately found among women. According to one book I recently read it's symptomology can be so severe that it can be mistaken for bipolar disorder. A unique and very misunderstood mental illness, I feel it stands only second to pedophilia. Well, maybe not that extreme, but hopefully you get it ;)
Anyway, I realized as a fat fuck of a loser aka male boarder line was calling someone a whore and a slut and how she enjoyed all the men climbing all over her in a piggish little voice that even makes my skin crawl, I realized I so appreciate being a former stripper. I've had assholes like him try and break me down when I've been wearing a lot less. I realized tonight that it's in those moments of a patient's hurricane of psychosis that I have a thick skin thanks to the low life fucks of a former life.
Cymbalta; the wonder drug.... As in I wonder what the fuck it does to me. Okay so laying in bed thinking about blowing your brains out every morning is not a great way to start a day. Not being able to get out of bed and have these thoughts cycle in your mind sucks even more. Enter Cymbalta. The thoughts stop. Poof. Gone. However, by day five I've blown the rent on useless shit off of ebay and now get to go rape my savings account to cover the rent. Ugh. So what I wonder is if there is a drug that works as well without sending me into hypomania hell?
And lastly, my little mind has been running around the thoughts of my latest friend request via facebook. I'm not sure how I feel about this one as in I'm trying to repress the little girl excitedness of it all. I'm left wondering why and then enterain myself with my own answers.
One summer, my father's co-worker and son spent the summer with us. He was from Lousianna, and there was something special in that last love of an innocent girl.
Why did he seek me out? Parsimony says boredom, but the not so bitter part clings to a loftier romantic notion which I know will be crushed by an annoying reality that this is all there will be of this new/old connection.
Frustrated by the fact that he doesn't have his relationship status set I'm left mulling over the rumor he's married. He definately has a daughter, with the apple not falling far from the tree.
Off to bed soon, but before I do I think I might dig out some of those old letters and learn to love a memory.
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