And let's not forget a smidge of crazy. Yeah so Southern Boy and I are full on in that twitterpated stage, and I'm loving every minute of it. It might be sad to say this but I'm more excited about my trip to New Orleans than I am to Italy. I just hope I can relax and let go enough to enjoy my time with Twiggy Fuck.
Once the trip to New Orleans is done I'm going to look at changing my life around. Not to make room for long distance relationship with Southern boy, but I get a sense regardless of what happens down south, I'm coming home with my head out of my ass. I feel like it's in the birth canal right now and I'm starting to see all the shit around me. I guess it's kinda like a due date for me.
The neighbors are moving out this weekend and to say the least they aren't happy. She feels I've forced them out of their home and asked me to come down stairs so she could whoop my ass and see how tough I am and that I was all talk and no action.
What a stupid ignorant thing to say. How dare she attack my character like that. It's obvious she's not bothered to get to know her neighbor at all. And when it comes to violence I have been blessed with the fact that I have always been all talk and never needed for action. I'm very scared that IF I was called to action due to my past history with my father I'd black out and nearly kill someone. I pray I never have my greatest fear become a reality. In the end, I called the police and my landlord. Hopefully this will all be over soon. Lying low this weekend and staying at a friend's house. Me, my cat and my valuables.
My prayer for her is to find inner peace and forgiveness. She is blinded by her anger so much so she can't see how little I have to do with her situation. It's not my fault she didn't pay her rent. It's not my fault she ran her mouth. It's not my fault she's angry because she's black and I'm white. Even though these things are not my fault, she still blames me and in blaming me she becomes angry because I feel subconscously she knows she's wrong. Just my theory, but what the fuck to do I know?
My baby girl is coming along nicely. She improves with each ride and is eager to learn. I'll be off to ride her at some point today. Sadly, in the end I realize our relationship will be over in October as I really can't afford her and go to school at the same time. I'm hoping to find a way to keep riding and maybe even get paid. My other prayer to God today. I'm also a little annoyed with her owner. I sent a check out in early July and she just now cashed it. Then I get a message she's in Martha's Vineyard. Hmmm... It seems to me she doesn't really need the money, but cashed the check to have a little play money for her vacation. I've decided not to pay her before Italy. I think it's rude if someone gives you a check and you don't cash it within a certain amount of time. But what do I know.
Frustrated because my cymbalta made me engage in retail therapy and now I'm in the hole. At least all the checks have cleared and I can deal with it. Thank God I have the job I do. I'm not asking Twiggy Fuck to help me fix this mess this time. He doesn't understand my illness, and honestly I don't think he ever will. I remember the last time I felt this coming on I begged with him to take my credit card, check book, and debit card; change my password on all my accounts and put me on a cash allowence. He wouldn't do it. All he would do is accept the passwords for my checking account and watch how I wasted my money and then proceed to chastise me for my poor spending habits. No concept of having no control is a sign of a real control freak, right?
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