Crazy: Under control !?!

No, really. This is a serious question on a multifaceted level in my life. Let's begin with my meds, shall we?
Cymbalta still has me wondering. Sunday night at work I noticed my co-workers reactions to me and realized I wasn't doing a good job at hiding my crazy, so the next day I held the Cymbalta to see if that would settle me down. It seemed to work. Today, on day two I've held it again, but am shitting my brains out. What's the point of taking a med that makes the top feel better and the bottom like, well you know.....

Now onto the more interesting stuff, or at least in my own little mind of a twisted universe. Life has thrown me a cosmic karma cluster fuck in the form of a southern gentleman. We spoke for the first time in 16 years yesterday, and I love it when a conversation just flows.

I know it's wrong to compare, and I question if it's truly a comparison if I knew it before Southern boy showed up, but with Twiggy Fuck more minutes are spent in silence on the phone rather than actually engaging in coversation, and when we do converse it's not about us or how our days were, but rather some news event or something he's watched or read recently. Yesterday, while on the phone with Twiggy Fuck I kept thinking to myself as the minutes of silence rolled by, "Please ask about my feet from our trip down to the beach where I got all sorts of crazy blisters and cuts." Nothing.

The good news with Southern boy is he is so looking forward to seeing me and tells me that he has missed me all these years. On the phone we talked about his daughter and how he feels she's growing up too fast, and our father's and our relationships with them. We also talked about his job, and how we both live by ourselves and enjoy it very much. Very little sex talk. He told me he's only ever had one issue in his life (his now ex-wife) and he got rid of that. I told him about my line of work and how with a statement like that we'd call that denial. He laughed but understood. He also said he suffers from only childhood syndrome. My response,"Well, no wonder you want me down there now rather than later." Again, we laughed.

Then suddenly later on in the day, the heat in Lousianna caused a mental melt down for Southern boy. Via facebook he sent me three messages in a row which included, "How about we cut all the bullshit and just get married?" Followed with "I wasn't kidding" and a "Just answer the question then"

We some how worked through it where he apologized for doing something like that. I acknowledged that I understood the freak out panic mode. I also told him that if we were seriously going to think about spending our lives together we needed to slow down and take time to get to re-know one another. We can't be impulsive or reckless with something that I feel is so important. He understood, and again apologized for his behavior.

I think I might actually really like him, and somewhere deep down beneath all of this bitterness is a 16 year old girl longing to reconnect with a long lost love.

Crazy, huh?