It is done

Do I be nice, sullen or mock his misery? How about a bit of all three?

The nice part is it's over! I was nice and left the door open all though he did ask me if I was telling him to fuck off please do so now. I thought about his MS (multiple sclerosis) and how stress can make it worse so I figured the gradual let down was the best way. Plus too worse (and very desperate case scenario) I can call him around the 15th and tell him I need help with the rent. I think if I told him to fuck off entirely then he would have really lost his mind.

How'd it go down? In doing it this way, I realized I was just as much of a pussy as he is. I did it over the phone. Of course, I also did this because I didn't want him at the horse show this weekend. I wimped out. I hated to do it, but I knew if I did it in person it would be a lot harder because I most likely would have lost my temper.

I started out with the quasi truth (again, a meager attempt at being nice). The quasi part in that I said this was coming from my psychologist and my sponser. I lied. One, I don't have a sponser, and two if you know anything about psychologists they never tell you what to do, just make suggestions. But I know Twiggy Fuck and he needs a scape goat. He can't handle the fact that this might just be all me.

Now for the shameless mocking. He said all sorts of desperate stupid things from "I'm really sad I can't come to your show this weekend. I was looking forward to seeing you and taking pictures of you. I really like to watch you ride." BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! was what raced through my mind. I remembered him being annoyed that I wanted to go to the barn and ride one weekend. He chose to sit in the car and read the paper. When I finished he bitched about the smell.

"But there's just so much about you I love." Here's a word for your vocabulary fucker: synergy. I can't just be sectioned apart and you get to chose what parts you want to love and omit the rest.

"I'm going to miss you. I felt like we were growing closer again." And you have the balls to call me delusional? When was the last time you kissed me? And I mean really kissed me, not this brother and sister shit of a peck on the check kiss? What's that? You can't remember? Neither can I.

Here's the thing. I will not surrender myself for the sake of a relationship. I cannot conform to every last whim and desire. He did own up to being "too harsh" lately. Harsh is an understatement. Cruel.

Pooter always had some great break up advice. Whenever you think you're starting to miss the ex boyfriend, get mad. Think of all the stupid little annoying shit he used to do and get really mad. Excellent advice. More ranting about how stupid one man can be.

Which reminds me SSRT: Yes I have changed all of my passwords to all of my accounts. I need to change the locks on my doors next.