My mind's run a muck.....

Boat boy continues to taunt me. He tells me one minute he misses me and the next he runs off to have fun with his friends. I don't mind that he sees his friends, but it would be nice if he validated the idea that he missed me by sticking around for a bit longer and spent some time with me.

He did this to himself by setting the standard too high. He made a great first impression but fails to follow through. He admits this isn't something he's hearing for the first time.

I'm glad I made plans this weekend that didn't include him before I knew he was taking off. I'm not going to sit around and pine away for a man that doesn't really want me. It's a waste of time and energy.

I know I'm not in the best of moods right now. I know I'm difficult to be around. But doesn't he understand he makes that better?

Right now, I believe he only misses the idea of me. He only misses my pussy, and yes I cater to him. I remembered at my 3AM pee break how his toliet had stains and I should clean it. I got so pissed at myself for being stupid, that I decided right then and there he can get the other bitch to clean the fucking toliet.

It's unfair and unbalanced. I told him I felt like I couldn't rely on him, and I'm right. I can't. With Pimpett and Hubby returning home from the funeral I wanted them to come into a quasi clean house. I asked Boat Boy for help. He agreed. That night he had a rough time sleeping, so in the morning when it was time to get the show going, he stayed behind to sleep in.

I know if the shoe was on the other foot I would have sucked it up and done what needs to be done.

Last night we went out for trivia, which he immediately agreed to go to. I think it was to get me to quick my bitching. Prior to that we went to his place to get cleaned up. Even though he had already showered that day and I hadn't he insisted on getting in the shower first.

Fine, I'll cook the chicken you asked me to while you're in the shower. I'm so fucking stupid. In the end though I can laugh at myself. As I stood over his stove, I remembered a girl he nicknamed Pizza Slut, who would clean his apartment, do his laundry, bring him free food, etc. I think my nickname ought to be Chicken Choker.

I am full of rage and doing my best to let it out slowly and in the right direction.