A retrospective analysis of Devoid

While impossible to maintain a completely unbiased perspective, in review of my latest debacle, I will make every attempt to remain objective.

The subjective component first includes my lack of feelings. There is no sense of loss when it comes to him no longer being part of my life. I find a sense of peace in it. I will always wonder what would have happened if he'd bothered to follow up, but ultimately in the end I know I am in a much better place without him in my life.

Objectively reviewing the patterns of behavior presented by Devoid reveals a certain pathology that I am all too familiar with. Interesting, when I told him about my Axis II diagnosis he commented that it seemed much more scary than my primary diagnosis. Perhaps this is the closest he will ever come to insight into how he creates his own problems. More specifically, he has a chronic history of unstable and or short term relationships of a romantic or sexual nature. Upon further examination an interesting perspective Devoid felt to be true was sexual encounters declined overtime rather than became more intense. This belief is also held true by Narcissistic Personality types.

Another key element to Devoid's dysfunction is an internal personal conflict. On one end here is the social pressure to be married with children at our age. This notion is reinforced by the conduct of his social circle. On the other end of the spectrum is his own wants, needs and desires. The issue here is he has not learned the art of being still to contemplate what he truly wants. While there is a desire to conform to the social norms set forth by his social circle, part of him is not willing to surrendure the bachelor life he has nearly mastered living.

I feel this conflict manifested in his messages that he missed me, yet was unwilling to make formal plans with me on the weekends. I do not believe the relationship was merely a "booty call" type. Instead, we both deluded ourselves into unexplored territory that remained from highschool.

I can walk away saying that I learned how to stand up for myself within a relationship before things got too far or too deep (see Twiggy Fuck). Tomorrow I'm off to the Dr's to determine if this is a yeast infection gone wrong, some sort of STD or worse case senario; an etopical pregnancy.