Boat boy travels. A LOT. Which is great because it gives me time to do my own thing and not have to worry about catering to him. I think they call this "balance", but like I've ever had anything healthy in my relationships?
I'll get sweet little text messages from him saying how much he misses me and can't wait to see me again. I, of course, not feeling well twist this up in my mind, or as we say "nurse ratcheting" myself. On his return from his last trip, there was a misunderstanding of how and when we'd get together. Prior to his leaving we'd made plans for our first official date.
In some way I avoided him because I was in such a foul state of mind, but at the same time I just wanted him to be direct and ask if we could get together. Instead, he'd announce his plans. I'd announce mine. This seems to be a common reoccurring theme for us. After an email explaining exactly how I felt and a few glasses of wine, I affectionately nicknamed this move of ours "A Mexican Standoff". Who's gonna flinch first? I did and here's how to get re-invited to an engagement party.
I was really excited about our first date in high school sweetheart sorta way. Tuesday night we talk and I want to know if we're still on for Saturday. Boat Boy tells me a friend of his is getting engaged that night and wants to know if I want to go. If I didn't that'd be ok. We can go out Friday night. No, dipshit. We can't. I have to work. And no, I don't want to go to a stupid engagement party where everyone is going to be happy, and I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself because, yeah that's right, this year I thought I'd be getting engaged around Christmas.
Wednesday I have plans. He doesn't. I say let's meet up afterward. We agree to do an "in" thing rather than a "going out" thing because it was going to be nuts the day before Thanksgiving, right? Next thing I know he's out drinking with the boys. Grrrrrrrr...... And let the nurse ratcheting begin. Write your own ending here folks. I'm sure it's better than the one I got.
Thursday. Thanksgiving. My mood darkens. I force myself to the barn and then to my mom's house for a very simple meal. There with my mom, my aunt and my brother sans all the excess that the holidays tend to create I found myself smiling, laughing, and remembering the things that really do matter in life.
I needed to get past my bullshit and go to this engagement party. I call Boat Boy. I tell him I feel like I'm kinda being a punk but I want to know if I can change my mind about going Saturday. I explained that while I felt like it was important for me to stick to my decision but at the same time I think I should be there for him because it's an all couples thing and it's kinda a big deal that he thought to ask me.
We talk more about this on Friday. I explain my position again and Boat Boy admits that he's gotten used to the idea of going by himself. I tell him I'll give up anal.
"Ok. I guess you can go."
Saturday night he picked me up wearing cuff links and a tie. In the end I think it was a fair trade.
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